Allen Iverson’s music tastes causing problems in Pistons locker room

DETROIT, MI — Allen Iverson was brought to Detroit to lead the Pistons back to the NBA Finals.

However, in the early going, he’s leading the team into quite a bit of conflict over the music he plays in the locker room.

“I guess Detroit is sort of a hip-hop team,” Iverson said. “A lot of the dudes are really into rap and stuff like that. Which is weird, to me. I’m really into folk music. I mean, Eminem is good and all, but I’ve yet to meet a real man who can listen to ‘Blowin’ in the Wind’ without his eyes glistening a bit. So let’s just say there has been some tension about my music, and leave it at that.”

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Iverson has a proclivity for playing his music in an extremely loud fashion, and he is imbued with the pretentiousness and moral superiority that often manifests within folk music aficionados.

“Allen comes over to me the other day with some headphones, and he’s like, ‘Listen to this, listen to this,’” said Tayshaun Prince. “So he shoves his headphones in my face, and I put them in my ears, and it’s freaking Peter Paul and Mary singing ‘Puff the Magic Dragon.’ So I listen to it for like twenty seconds, and then I go to give the headphones back to Allen, and he’s like, ‘No, no, listen more, listen more. Listen to the words! There’s double meaning!’ Are you kidding me? I mean, I know Allen had a year at Georgetown, but I think I can understand the nature of Puff the Magic Dragon.”

Iverson was extremely defensive when asked about the song.

“A lot of people have mistaken ideas about that song,” Iverson said. “It’s about the circle of life, bro, about the way that one day you wake up and the world is different than it was before. You can’t stay young forever, no matter how hard you try.”

According to Rasheed Wallace, the Pistons issues are nothing against Iverson in particular, but more about the music. “I’m just more of a T-Pain guy,” Wallace said. “Maybe a little Rihanna here and there. That’s all.”

“T-Pain? T-Pain?” Iverson screamed. “Have you ever heard of a certain lady named Joan Collins?”

Iverson said he’s trying to make it work, but that the last straw came when someone turned off his music while his favorite song, This Land is Your Land, was playing.

“You’re going to turn off my music when the all time classic folk song of all time is playing?” Iverson said. “These motherfuckers have no appreciation for Woody Guthrie. And it makes me sick.”