2012 London Olympics to be made in China

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND - In a only semi-shocking announcement, IOC President Jacque Rogge announced that while the “2012 Olympics would be held in London, they would be 100% Made in China.”

Rogge cited the extreme success of the 2008 games, and also went on to detail the work ethic of the Chinese people as another big factor in the decision. He lauded the Chinese for their use of “new technologies” to enhance the fun of the Olympics, and the fact that there wasn’t an empty seat in any arena.

“While the 2008 Olympics was a smashing success, we want to improve upon it, and take the Olympics to the next level. Right now, it’s an every-four-years event. We want it to be a Phenomenon! We want people to worry that they might be missing history if they miss even a second of the 2012 games.”

He went on to say that he was looking to China to “punch up the Olympics,” and smooth over some of the rough edges that were exposed during 2008. Rogge was, of course, questioned at great length by the British media, as to why he had signed this exclusive deal with China.

“To the good British men and woman that are watching today, this is not an indictment on you. Far from it, we’re going to need you to buy up all the tickets to make this game great. But let’s face it, when it comes to moving mountains, flooding valleys, and mobilizing labor to get the impossible done, well, the British don’t hold a candle to the Chinese.”

Rogge did ask that the British Government grant unfettered access to the Chinese over the next 4 years to make this grand event happen. He also made clear that this agreement was completely fair and ethical.

“Let me be clear, there is no truth to the rumor that we are making any concessions to the Chinese, or have been granted any exclusive rights in China. This agreement was made in the interest of the Olympics and taking it to the next level.”

Shortly after Rogge left the podium, he was removed as IOC president and replaced by Li Ning, the former Chinese Gymnast that is best known to the rest of the world as the “flying torch lighter.”

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It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!