Hot Topics: MLB NFL NBA baseball New York Yankees ESPN steroids Chicago Cubs Boston Red Sox NCAA football

Main Menu

Home	About
Features	Submit
Facebook	MySpace
Friends	NSR
Contact	Mad-Libs
Archives	Gallery
Sponsors	Advertise
Subscribe	Jobs
SCNN	Pryzms

Go to Vividseats.com to get all hard-to-find Sports Tickets, including all NCAA Football Tickets , Basketball Tickets , Baseball Tickets , College Basketball Tickets , Tennis Tickets , PGA Tickets, NASCAR Tickets, NFL Tickets , and Super Bowl Tickets.

Get free NFL picks from PicksNFL.com
Wunderdog Sports is your source for football picks Get free football picks at TopTenCappers.com

Check out EnglishHarbour Network, the best and trusted online casino providing the online slots, table games and other casino games. Visit us for the best online gambling experience and great casino bonuses.

Cheap Sports Tickets
14 major suppliers
mega major $$$ deals
... Sports Ticket Depot.

TOUTHOUSE.COM
NFL Betting Predictions, Free NFL Picks and Current Football Odds

Brett Favre |New Curse

Ticket Solutions
Sports Tickets
NFL
Baseball
Super Bowl
World Series
NCAA Tournament

See the DC United Playoffs with MLS tickets. All your other favorite sports events tickets are also at RazorGator.

Cheap Premium Tickets.com
Get tickets to your favorite sporting events including New York Giants tickets, Pittsburgh Steelers tickets, Detroit Red Wings tickets, Los Angeles Lakers tickets, San Francisco Giants tickets and more.

News Item

Yankee stadium to be destroyed with 55,000 Yankee fans inside

NEW YORK — Joey DiMarino was thrilled when he checked his mail last week and found an unexpected surprise.

“I never would have expected it,” said DiMarino, 28, of East Rutherford, N.J. “I went out to my mail, and what do I see, but a special invitation from the New York Yankees to attend the ‘Last Day of Yankee Stadium.’ I guess it’s a special day that they’re having for their best fans at the stadium, before they blow it up. So in that sense, it seems pretty obvious why they chose me.”

Actually, DiMarino, who is an amazing douchebag, was chosen at random in a lottery of 300,000 of the biggest douchebag Yankee fans in the world. Instead of receiving gifts and a final tour of the stadium, the fans are actually going to be ushered into their seats, where they will be seated while the stadium is destroyed.

“Yankee fans have such a horrible reputation around the world,” said New York City mayor Mike Bloomberg. “So we thought we’d do the nation a favor by removing 55,000 of them off the face of the earth. And not just any 55,000, we’re talking about 55,000 of the biggest jerks and petulant douchebags that you can find. It’s really going to be tremendous.”

None of the douchebags are aware of the fate that will befall them on that day; rather, they’ve been told that they’re just going to be celebrated for their commitment to the Yankees.

“We’re going to bring in a lot of these assholes and jerks and we’re going to set them down, and tell them that they’re the most representative of all the Yankee fans out there,” said Hank Steinbrenner. “Then, we’re going to blow up the stadium, with them inside of it. Think of it as sort of an AL East cleansing.”

Steinbrenner said he was amused to have received an official-looking invitation to the event in the mail himself.

“Must have been some sort of glitch in the system,” he said. “Surely I’m not invited to the event.”

Bloomberg is thrilled with the Yankees’ proactive approach to the destruction of their stadium and the murder of 55,000 of their fans.

“I think it’s going to be great for the city, and the city’s reputation,” he said. “It’ll probably even help with unrelated things, like the housing crisis. Let’s face it, any way you slice it, eliminating 55,000 douchebag Yankee fans is good for the U.S.A.”

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to our newsletter or RSS feed and get hilarious sports news every day. Thanks for visiting!

Labels: destruction, ethnic cleansing, George Steinbrenner, Hank Steinbrenner, Michael Bloomberg, Mike Bloomberg, New York City, New York Yankees, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

Posted on October 6th, 2008

Got a headline idea? Click here to submit it... and be sure to visit our Facebook page!

Other Related News Items

Steinbrenner hires Trump for firing purposes (October 17, 2007)
Yankees announce plan to annex Quebec (March 6, 2008)
Yankee fans who hated Girardi as a player expect to hate him as manager (November 5, 2007)
Yankees buy title (March 16, 2007)

Link To This Post

Comments

Be the first to leave a comment on this story below...

Search Our Site

Subscribe to SSNN's Newsletter

Check Out These Classics

Multimedia News

Vertical Soccer

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!

View Multimedia Archives...

Photo Gallery

Visit our Gallery for a full listing of images...

News In Brief

Get Free Sports Picks from: Doc - A 36 year veteran Robert Ferringo Strike Point Sports Allen Eastman Vegas Sports Informer

Want CHEAP sports tickets? From NASCAR tickets to WWE tickets, or Red Sox tickets, Final Four tickets to discount Super Bowl tickets, find great deals on all kinds of event tickets here.

Sports fans may not always be serious about their news, but they're serious about their tickets. For NBA Playoffs tickets or Raptors tickets in Toronto, or Cowboys tickets online, CTC has a serious selection of the best sports tickets on the web. Get NY Giants tickets and sold out Super Bowl tickets too!

Pickspal.com
Football Picks
College Football Picks

MTC Tickets
Sold Out Events Tickets
Justin Timberlake Tour
American Idol Seats
Broadway Theater Tickets
Sold Out Sports Tickets
Hot Concert Tickets
March Madness Tickets

Golf is at its finest with Masters Tickets, while other historically important Sports Tickets like the Kentucky Derby Packages, and NFL Super Bowl Tickets are always hard to come by!