Red Sox hoping to trade for a big bat for the rest of the postseason, like Manny Ramirez

BOSTON, MA — A panicked Theo Epstein spent the entire evening Tuesday working the phones and his BlackBerry, attempting desperately to obtain a power hitter for the Red Sox lineup that will help the team put up some runs against the Rays in their rapidly deteriorating playoff series.

“We’d love to add a big bat to the middle of our lineup,” Epstein said. “We obviously need some power, some run producing, and so if we can find a big bat, we’d really improve our chances.”

Epstein says he’s got his eye on one big bat in particular.

“I really like Manny Ramirez,” Epstein said. “He’s a great hitter. He’s proven that he can do it in the postseason. He’s hitting the cover off the ball right now. He’d be great in the middle of our lineup, don’t you think?”

Epstein said he’s hoping to package Jason Bay and a couple other players to get Ramirez in his lineup for game five.

“I’m not even sure we can do it, legally, but I really want to,” Epstein said. “Manny can straight rake. It would be great to have him on our team. Just think about how many runs we could produce with him in the middle of our lineup!”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!