Red Sox “exhaustion plan” working to perfection

BOSTON, MA — The Boston Red Sox have the Tampa Bay Rays exactly where they want them.

“Yeah, our plan is working perfectly,” said manager Terry Francona. “We came into this series and we thought, this is a team of amazing athletes that we’re playing, a team of greyhounds. So what do you do with a greyhound? You get him tired. So that’s exactly what we’ve done.”

By allowing nine runs in game two, 12 runs in game three, and 13 runs tonight in game four, the Red Sox are confident that the Rays will be sufficiently exhausted that the rest of the series will be a piece of cake.

“This is working perfectly,” said Dustin Pedroia. “It’s hilarious! They totally took the bait. Did you see how totally cashed Carl Crawford looked after his fifth hit tonight? Did you see how Carlos Pena could barely round the bases after his homer? These guys are so tired, we’re going to kill them these next three games.”

Boston’s plan is to take advantage of the amazing fatigue that has set in on the Rays, and easily outscore them the next three games and win the series.

“It’s so simple,” said Kevin Youkilis. “We just did the old rope-a-dope. Sometimes it turns out that teams don’t really know the limits of their own bodies. Like the Rays, for example. You can see the looks on their faces and they’re like, ‘How are we going to get through another three games?’ They honestly can’t do it.”

The Red Sox believe their experience is the main reason that their plan has worked so well.

“It’s kind of funny,” said Jason Varitek. “Sometimes you see a team that just doesn’t know how to play in the postseason, like the Rays, and they make stupid, stupid mistakes like the ones we are seeing here. We’re a veteran team with a ton of experience. So it makes sense that we’re in such a great position.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!