Rays heading to Tampa for game one of World Series anyway

TAMPA BAY, FL — The Tampa Bay Rays flew home early this morning, celebrating as they plan on starting the World Series at home next Wednesday, even though they lost last night’s game.

“C’mon, we all know we won that game,” said center fielder B.J. Upton. “It was 7-0 in the 7th, of course we stopped playing. I thought we were just messing around. Isn’t there a mercy rule or something?”

The Rays are not planning on showing up for Game 6, scheduled for Saturday night.

“I don’t feel like we really need to play Game 6,” said pitcher Scott Kazmir. “Inasmuch as I’m concerned with it, this series is over. Right now I’m just focused on getting ready for Philly. I’m sure the Red Sox will agree that we’ve pretty much won it and that we should just take the Series and move on.”

While it is heretofore unprecedented that a team would end a league championship series after winning only three games, commissioner Bud Selig agrees that the Rays have a great case.

“I subscribe to the ‘if you didn’t see it, it didn’t happen’ philosophy,” said Selig, who went to bed during the sixth inning of the game. “Therefore, the Rays are hereby awarded the American League Championship and the right to play in the World Series. Also, the Holocaust isn’t real.”

The Red Sox, led by General Manager Theo Epstein, immediately opposed Selig’s decision.

“This is an atrocity,” said Epstein. “I’d like to immediately get him to reconsider his decision and let us play out the series as planned. On a side note, as a Jew, I’d also like to get him to rethink his Holocaust position. But if I can only do one, I’ll definitely do the ALCS. You gotta make choices sometimes.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!