Palin’s clothing spree includes $84,000 worth of Chad Johnson jerseys

CINCINNATI, OH — Many were outraged this week when it was discovered the GOP vice presidential nominee had spent $150,000 on new clothing since her selection to the ticket.

However, all was not as it initially seems, as it turns out that more than $84,000 of that money went to purchase Chad Johnson Bengals jerseys.

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“I really saw this as a great opportunity,” Palin said. “First, Chad Ocho Cinco is one of the great state of Ohio’s greatest citizens, and he’s in trouble. He has all these jerseys that he needs to buy up so he can rightfully change his name to Ocho Cinco. So I figured I could help out this troubled Ohioan, who is simply looking to keep his job and feed his family, nothing more.”

Palin said that there were other strong benefits to purchasing all of these jerseys.

“Well, first off, Ohio’s citizens are worried about jobs and the local economy, right?” Palin asked. “Well, I just spent $84,000 on jerseys so that Ohio citizens know that they’ll be able to go back to work, and that money is going right into the Ohio economy, which is going to put food on people’s plates.”

Actually, it turns out that the jerseys are produced in Malaysia, so this effort is simply supporting the outsourcing of jobs against which Palin and running mate John McCain are constantly railing. Further, Reebok is headquartered in Canton, Mass.

“Interesting,” Palin said, when told that the HQ of the company was in Canton. “Right next to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, I betcha!”

When informed that the headquarters was in Canton, Massachusetts, and not Canton, Ohio, Palin was outraged. “Wait, you mean to tell me that I just gave $84,000 to a company that is headquartered in that liberal, gay-loving, anti-gun, socialist, Romney-loving state? Disgusting.”

Palin, though, ever the optimist, chose to look at the situation with rose-colored glasses.

“At least I’m helping out one of America’s finest Latinos,” she said. “Chad Ocho Cinco represents all the great things about Hispanic people in this country, and I am proud to call him my friend.”

When informed that Ocho Cinco is actually African-American, Palin was again distraught.

“Damn it! Can nothing go right today?” Palin said. “Black people aren’t going to vote for us, no matter what I say. Damn it! How did this happen? Doesn’t his name mean eight-six in Mexican?”