LT admits he can find London on a map, is derided by teammates

LONDON, ENGLAND—The lead-up to the Chargers-Saints match up in London on Sunday has led to many amusing cross-cultural exchanges between football’s finest and the British public. None have been more so amusing for fans and reporters than the frequent admittance on the part of the American Footballers that they could not find the continent of Europe, let alone Great Britain on a map. For one unfortunate Charger, however, things quickly took a turn for the embarrassing.

When casually asked the routine question of whether or not he could correctly identify Great Britain on a map of the world during a locker room press conference, RB LaDainian Tomlinson casually answered, “Yeah, why?” Stunned reporters quickly produced a global map to confirm whether or not the pro-bowler’s claims had any merit.

“I figured, just show him a map and he’ll point to Africa or something, crisis averted,” commented BBC reporter Chad Brake. “But was I in for a nasty surprise.”

Without hesitation, LT correctly fingered the British Isles and offered verbal confirmation with, “Right there.”

That was when all hell broke loose.

“It hit the fucking fan, bro,” Saints QB Drew Brees reported. “The reporters started freaking out, thought they’d have to cancel all the papers.”

It didn’t end there, however. Within minutes, every member of the Saints and Chargers staff were aware that LT, despite being a professional football player, was able to correctly point out a foreign country on a map of the world.

“Haha! Hey Einstein, what’s the square root of kickoff time?!” roared teammate Antonio Gates.

“How many inches is it from here to New York?!” jeered WR Chris Chambers.

Tomlinson’s now-cemented status of being a total geek was also firmly cemented in the opponent’s locker room as well.

“What a loser!” Saints RB Deuce McAlister told SSNN. “I used to think LT was the man, but now that I know he has a basic level of geography, well, fuck him.”

“What a total queer,” a visibly amused Norv Turner told reporters. “Knows how to find Britain on a map. I bet that momma’s boy went to class in high school and college. God. He’s finished with this team, that’s for sure.”

Tomlinson attempted to rectify the situation by trying to convince everyone that he briefly glanced at the in-flight real-time map on the TV on the flight from San Diego to London. The former MVP’s claims were quickly shouted down by those also present on the flight.

“Shut up LT!” snapped PK Nate Kaeding, who now occupies a higher positition on the team totem-pole by virtue of LT now being a nerd. “You slept like a baby that whole flight! Probably from staying up and reading history books all night! Haha!”

LT has now vacated his possessions from the Chargers locker room after teammates defaced it with words like “pretty boy” “teacher’s pet” and, appearing several times, “faggot.”

“It’s not funny guys,” a clearly-annoyed LT announced to his sniggering teammates. “I can find London on a map, big deal. I bet you wish—”

“That I stayed at home reading bookie-wookies with mommy every night?” leered Chargers QB Philip Rivers, much to the amusement of those assembled, minus LT, “I think not. Go home and read about the Civil War or whatever, dork!”

With his reputation as a professional athlete forever ruined, Tomlinson is now at a crossroads of what to do with the remainder of his life.

“Football is no longer an option, obviously,” a bitter LT told SSNN. “But I doubt the academic community will embrace me with open arms either. When I tell them I’ve spent the vast majority of my life playing sports, they’ll reject me as well. I really don’t know what to do.”

Regardless, both teams plan to dedicate the pre-game ceremonies to an ill-tempered roast of the all-pro running back to demonstrate to the United Kingdom just how much of a complete loser LT really is.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!