Local patent attorney flips out over Anderson Silva comments by coworker

ALEXANDRIA, VA — James Einberg, 27, a local patent attorney with Putnam and Associates, is facing disciplinary action after an explosion of emotion directed at a co-worker this morning.

The incident occurred around 9:15 am, next to the coffee machine. Trademarks attorney Kevin McGuire, known around the office to be an extremely casual sports fan, at best, attempted to engage Einberg in conversation about the Ultimate Fighting Championship event that took place last Saturday evening. That’s when the fireworks started.

“I walked up to [James], and I go, ‘So, it turns out that Anderson Silva kind of blows, huh?’” McGuire said. “I go, ‘They should call him the Itsy Bitsy Spider.’ I thought it was a pretty good line.”

McGuire, of course, was referring to the bizarre sequence of events that occurred in Silva’s fight with Patrick Cote, where it appeared that Silva lacked his usual killer instinct, allowing the fight to go to the third round before he won due to disqualification, when Cote blew out his knee.

Weinstein clearly saw it differently.

“He’s a fucking counterstriker,” Weinstein yelled. “Do you know what the fuck that means? It means he fucking waits for someone to come at them, and then he makes their motherfucking face look like a Picasso. Do you get it?”

Weinstein, who is generally known around the office as a guy who does not like to start trouble, was clearly annoyed with McGuire’s analysis.

“You know what the problem with guys like Kevin is?” Weinstein asked. “It’s that they don’t know shit about shit, and they never watch MMA, and then one day they wake up and read a quote from Dana White and they think they know everything. Well, let me tell you something — fuck Dana White, and fuck Kevin McGuire. The Spider gonna kill em both. If he wants to, of course.”

Weinstein has a 2 pm meeting today with Sally Henderson, director of human resources, to discuss his punishment, which will likely include removing his Anderson Silva poster from his cubicle and changing his screen saver to something not involving MMA.

For his part, McGuire has promised to tread more carefully around Weinstein.

“Look, I was just trying to be friendly,” McGuire said. “I didn’t mean to cause any harm. But clearly I approached it the wrong way. I’ll be much more cordial in the future. But it may be a few days before I ask James if he agrees that Kimbo Slice could easily beat Fedor Emelianenko. You know, just to be safe.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!