Colts would like Peyton Manning to be a little more folksy, like Sarah Palin

INDIANAPOLIS, IN — The Indianapolis Colts, less than two years removed from a Super Bowl title, have made an unusual request to quarterback Peyton Manning.

“Yes, we did make a request to Peyton,” said Colts head coach Tony Dungy. “We told him we’d like him to be a little more folksy, like Sarah Palin. We know that’s not really his thing, but ‘folksiness’ is really hot right now with people in the Heartland, which is where we are. So we think this will be a good thing.”

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Manning is known for being an ultra-competent, extremely well-prepared quarterback; often recognizing defensive schemes at the line of scrimmage due to his hours of tape watching and preparation.

“Yeah, he can cancel all of that,” Dungy said. “I don’t want him to watch tape anymore. Preparation is stupid and pointless in this new era. Who cares how much time you spend trying to understand the complexities of something? I just want him to go out there and let Peyton be Peyton, and see what happens.”

Manning originally expressed some concern at the new plan.

“They want me to spend less time preparing to win games, and more time working on my speaking, and my phrases, saying things like ‘You betcha’ and ‘Doggonit,’ stuff like that,” Manning said. “I said, ‘Can’t I do both?’ That seemed to puzzle them a bit; it was as though they’d never considered that I could be both a well-prepared, focused, competent quarterback, and also portray a folksy charm. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive, you know?”

Nevertheless, Dungy seems to be sticking to his guns.

“Joe Sixpack over there, sitting around his dinner table, he doesn’t care how much game film or preparation Peyton Manning does,” Dungy said. “He cares about one thing, and that’s how many clever lines Peyton can say in the post-game press conference. So that’s what we’re going to do, because we’re a nation in crisis, and folksy is clearly the answer.”