Bush convenes Congress to figure out who he should start between LT2, Ronnie Brown, and Frank Gore

WASHINGTON, DC — President George W. Bush made an extremely unorthodox and frankly unprecedented move in the annals of American history Saturday, calling both houses of Congress together for an emergency weekend session.

“I imagine that he’s calling us together to discuss the ramifications of the financial bailout plan,” said Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), who left the campaign trail for the emergency meeting. McCain was surprised to learn upon arriving in the nation’s capital that Bush had not called the meeting to discuss the financial bailout plan, as expected, but rather had done so to gain some crucial advice as to whom he should start this weekend in fantasy football.

“The nation is in turmoil,” President Bush said. “People are being forced to make decisions that they never thought they’d have to make. For some people, they have to decide if they’re going to buy gas for their car or groceries for their kids. For others, it’s medicine for their families or being able to send their children for school. For me, I have to decide whether to start Frank Gore or LT2 this weekend in my fantasy football league. These are truly unbelievable times.

“While LT2 is on the road,” Bush said, “he does have a great matchup against the Dolphins. And Frank the Tank, he’s at home, but the Patriots are coming into town. I don’t know, it’s a really difficult decision, and I’m not sure how I should proceed.”

Bush proposed that Congress take a vote on the matter, and that “majority rules.” He did indicate that he would maintain his veto power.

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Many Congressmen and Senators expressed concern at Bush’s use of taxpayer monies and crucial time to make decisions about fantasy sports.

“Honestly, there’s got to be a better use of our time,” said Claire McCaskill, D-MO. “I mean, the nation is in crisis, and we’re talking about football? And not even real football — I’m pretty sure it’s fake football that we’re talking about here.”

Others agreed.

“Frankly, I think he convened us just so he could brag about the fact that one of those dudes is going to be on his bench this week,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-NV. “It’s like, ‘Yeah, we get it, George, your team is awesome. Now please get back to trying to run the country?’”

Things have not always been so rosy for Bush on the fantasy front.

Bush made a series of extremely ill-advised, reckless decisions upon joining the league in 2000. In many cases, he committed to spending an extreme amount of money to ill-advised, unproven, or pointless players.

“He’s gotten lucky here and there,” Reid said. “In some cases, like Jay Cutler, it worked out, but more often than not he’s spending $74 a year on Domanick Davis for the next eight years. And you wonder why the economy is in shambles.”