Burress was in DC last week helping on bailout plan

NEW YORK, NY and WASHINGTON, DC — When Plaxico Burress received a week-long suspension from the New York Giants, he didn’t pout. Instead, he did what champions do–he went to Washington, DC, and helped to solve the nation’s financial crisis.

“I’m really proud of Plax,” said agent Drew Rosenhaus. “Here he was in a situation where he had every right to just mail it in, to take his week off and go on vacation and just try and forget about all this crap. Is that what he did, though? No, it’s not. What he did do was go to Washington DC and help Congress get a bailout plan together that would work for the American people. And I’m proud of him for that.”

Burress said he felt that heading to Washington, DC to help with the bailout was part of his civic duty.

“I put my season on hold,” Burress said. “To show the people of this great republic how much I care about them, I literally suspended my season so that I could help on the bailout plan. I can’t think of anything more patriotic.”

According to some Senators, Burress was more of a hindrance than a help.

“I’m always glad to see members of the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants around Washington,” said Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-NY. “But Plaxico does not have a lot of financial expertise or knowledge of the housing crisis, so he wasn’t really a help. Still, it was good to have him down here, signing some autographs and wearing his Giants jersey. And he really helped us out in our flag football game on the Capitol Mall Thursday night.”

Burress, however, says that the American people owe him a debt of gratitude.

“You know the saying that they always say?” Burress asked. “‘When you’re under duress, you call Burress!’ Well, now you know what that means.

“You’re welcome.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!