Association with Daly may ruin family-friendly image, Hooters’ managers fear

WINSTON-SALEM, NC—Hooters has long been planted in the minds of Americans as a friendly, family-oriented restaurant with plenty of good food and great memories guaranteed with every trip. Now, however, many Hooters’ managers and staff are worried that the recent association with John Daly, professional fuckup and part-time golfer, may taint the restaurant’s reputation forever.

Daly, who was arrested Sunday outside a local Hooters after passing out due to intoxication, has seen his reputation flounder over the years. Hooters, however, has always maintained its air of traditional values and wholesome fun. Now it appears that that image will be spoiled.

“The fact that a really bad egg like Daly had to get involved in am embarrassing situation at our fine establishment—it’s just links us with him, and being associated with Daly is really just a black mark on anyone,” said James Clegg, night manager of a Hooters in Terre Haute, Ind.

“I’m concerned about what impressions people will take away from this event,” commented Sam “Candy” Candlepark, 19, who works at Hooters so she can “put [herself] through Med College.” “People will mistakenly assume that Hooters approves of and condones the sort of anti-social behavior John Daly promotes. That isn’t Hooters at all.”

“Every Friday night we would as a family go to that very Hooters,” reported local mother Claire Cable, 44. “My husband, myself, Billy, Jimmy, Angie and baby Sarah all looked forward to spending time with each-other at what we thought was a traditional family restaurant with a friendly atmosphere. The revelation that we may be sitting in the same seat Daly used—well, it just sends shivers.”

“Hooters used to be a good place,” sighed resident Steven McBoot. “The beautiful and dim-witted girls who sat on your lap, the good but-really-not-what-I-came-for chicken…now, I just don’t know.”

That is just the problem, says Clegg. “I’m sure if the staff of that Hooters had known it was John Daly, they would have bolted the door and called police, as is standard operating procedure when faced with John Daly. As it was, they probably figured it was a homeless drunk looking for a chicken-wing fix. I know no competent Hooters manager would willingly let John Daly inside their fine establishment.”

A statement released by Hooters read: “The Hooters franchise disavows any contact or deliberate association with John Daly. His presence at our restaurant in Winston-Salem was both unwanted and unwelcome. We will not let this ugly association with John Daly stop us from providing the same scantily-clad service with a smile you have known us for all these years.”

Daly could not be reached for comment as his cellphone was disconnected due to nonpayment three weeks ago.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!