White Sox’ Ozzie Guillen proposes to “swap teams” with Twins’ Ron Gardenhire

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Following a crushing defeat in the third game of a three-game sweep that vaulted the Minnesota Twins into first place in the AL central, Ozzie Guillen made an unusual proposal.

“I called up Ronny [Ron Gardenhire, Twins manager] and asked him if he wanted to trade teams,” Guillen said. “I said to him, ‘Ronny, your team is so much better suited for me, it’s disgusting. I would much rather manage your team than my team. Your team has a lot of heart, never quits during a game, and scrapes out every run that it can. My team has Orlando Cabrera.’”

Gardenhire, according to reports, is mulling over the trade, but he doesn’t think he’ll take it. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s really flattering to be offered a whole new team,” Gardenhire said. “But it’s not like he offered me the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, or even the Minnesota Twins. He’s got Juan Uribe starting–didn’t that guy kill someone?”

Guillen, however, is undeterred by Gardenhire’s demurrals.

“I’m thinking about sweetening the deal a bit,” Guillen said. “I’m thinking I am going to offer to give the White Sox a one-game lead on us, instead of us having a half-game lead on them. As the Twins, we’ll still probably have a good shot at catching them.”

According to commissioner Bud Selig, trading entire teams is not really looked upon nicely within baseball.

“Generally, we feel that you should stick with the team you’ve been managing all year, instead of changing in the last week of the season,” Selig said. “But hey–this game is constantly evolving, and I’ve clearly got no control, so whatever’s clever.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!