TO declares Monday night performance “best three-catch game ever in NFL history”

IRVING, TX — Terrell Owens brashly declared that his three-catch, 79-yard, two touchdown performance was the “best three catch performance ever in the history of the NFL.”

Owens caught a 72-yard touchdown from quarterback Tony Romo, as well as a four-yard touchdown pass. He also had a 13-yard reception, to finish second on the team to Jason Witten in yardage for the game, and third to Witten and RB Marion Barber in terms of catches.

“Have you ever seen someone dominate a game so thoroughly with three catches?” Owens asked. “In football, it’s not about how many times you touch the ball, it’s about what you do with it when you have it. And for those 89 yards, I was absolutely dominant. In fact, I was so dominant that they didn’t even need to really throw it to me to win. I changed the nature of the whole game. We won because of me. I did this. I’m the best. I’m TO.”

Several other Cowboys had excellent games. Romo threw for 312 yards and three scores; Barber had two TDs and 114 total yards, and rookie tailback Felix Jones had a 98 yard kickoff return for a score.

“I am the best,” Owens said. “The Eagles regret the day they let me go, and every time I play them, I punish them. This time, I chose to do it by having the most outstanding three-catch game you’ve ever seen. Who knows what I’ll do next time?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!