Man accidentally takes fiance to Nats/Phillies game on “Cole Hamels nails every chick in the place” night

There were 8,737 women at the Nationals’ ballpark yesterday, a daunting task for Hamels, who was also scheduled to pitch. According to reports he nailed 6,277 women before the game, but then had to cut his efforts short so he could dominate the Nationals for 7 1/3 innings. He nailed the remaining 2,460 women after the game.

“It was pretty tiring,” Hamels said. “That’s why I only threw 7 1/3 shutout innings yesterday. You know, ordinarily, against a team like the Nationals, I’d probably throw 12 or 13 innings. But nailing over 8,700 chicks in one day takes a lot of energy. I have never nailed more than about 8,200, so I guess this is a new record.”

According to McKenna, this was one of the great opportunities of her life.

“Listen, I love Matt, I really do,” McKenna said. “But there are certain proficiencies that King Cole has that Matt cannot compete with. So the fact that he realizes his limitations so clearly and that he allows me to go forth and satisfy my needs and take the opportunity to get nailed by someone like King Cole–well, that makes me love him even more.”

Reports indicate that the night was so wildly successful that many teams are planning on implementing the same sort of event.

“It’s pretty rare, I guess, for a visiting player to have a promotion at a ballpark,” Hamels said. “At least that’s what I hear. But this is like the fifth time that they’ve had ‘Cole Hamels nails every chick in the place night’ at a different ballpark. So, you know, I just sort of go along with it. Whatever’s good for the game.”

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Labels: baseball, Cole Hamels, engagement, fiance, King Cole Hamels, marriage, MLB, Philadelphia Phillies, promotions, Washington Nationals

Posted on September 3rd, 2008

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