Brady, Moss caught playing ‘Screw, Marry, Kill’ with Lynch, O’Neal, and Hobbs

FOXBORO, MA—Scandal erupted in Patriots training camp yesterday when members of the media walked in on pro-bowlers Tom Brady and Randy Moss engaging in the game known as “Screw, marry, kill’ using members of the secondary.

“Brady opted to marry Deltha O’Neal and murder Ellis Hobbs,” reported ESPN’s Ron Jaworski. “While Moss demurred slightly, preferring to marry Hobbs and murder O’Neal, both men agreed that John Lynch is a fine specimen of ripped muscles and rugged charm and neither would hesitate in jumping him.”

An embarrassed Brady told reporters, “It was just a harmless game between me and Randy. No one was hurt, and I’m sure none of the guys we were talking about object.”

When pressed for his reaction, CB Ellis Hobbs told reporters that he did not object to being used in the game, but merely questioned why neither of the All-pros thought he was worthy of sexual attention.

“I don’t really get it; I think I’m pretty good looking. I’m no Brad Pitt, but I’ve had my successes with the ladies. Maybe I need to work out a little more.”

Newly-signed O’Neal seemed rather unsure of the situation, merely saying he was surprised that “all those bizarre rumors about Massachusetts people happen to be true.”

For his part, John Lynch is “totally freaked out” and stated in no uncertain terms that he intends to avoid all contact with Brady and Moss for the rest of the season.

“I’m not even going to shower with the team anymore,” a panicked Lynch told SSNN. “I’m coming in late and cutting out early from now on. I don’t feel safe in this locker room right now. I mean if two supermodels can’t satiate Brady, I’d better be watching my back. ”

Sources inside the Patriots indicate that Belichick is planning to murder the defensive players in question to ensure team chemistry remains stable.