Boston sports fans gear up for hockey season

BOSTON, MA — Just two days after beloved New England Patriots QB Tom Brady went down with a season ending torn ACL, Boston fans have already started looking to the future.

“Bruins tickets go on sale September 13th!” Boston native Andrew Sullivan said. “We could not be more excited for hockey to get going again.”

Although none of the Boston fans interviewed could name more than one Bruins player, they were all extremely enthusiastic. One man told us, “It’s perfect, because the Sox are looking great for the post season. First B’s game is October 9th, the baseball season ends just after that, hopefully with another Sox victory—it couldn’t be better.”

When asked if he would be watching New England this fall, he said “New England what? All our teams are from Boston.”

One man who was interviewed reluctantly acknowledged that he does still recognize the Patriots as a major local sports team. On condition of anonymity, he said, “Don’t tell my friends, but I’m still gonna watch the games. But I can understand why you wouldn’t. The wounds of The Super Bowl Which Must Not Be Named are still pretty painful. Plus, a lot of guys aren’t sure what to do with their latent homosexuality, now that their reliable man-crush is out of the picture. It might be better for everyone to just let 2008 go entirely.”

It seems like that’s exactly what most of the New England Patriots’ fans are going to do. Websites like Craigslist and Ebay are suddenly chock full of people selling their tickets to the games, including a surprising posting from new QB Matt Cassel.

“GREAT DEAL!!! For sale: One athlete pass to EVERY New England Patriots game this season. You can’t beat this price, since it’s FREE! I’ll include my ID card, equipment, game books, etc. at NO cost to you! Not to mention you get the best seats in the house—on the field. Here’s your chance to play with the pros!!! Email me, please, please, please, before Sunday.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!