Big Brown becomes analyst with NBC

NEW YORK, NY—NBC announced today that Big Brown, the three-year-old colt who made a splash with his ultimately unsuccessful Triple Crown bid, would be joining their horse-racing analyst team, starting in March. The salary terms of the Kentucky Derby champion were not disclosed, but sources indicate Brown will be given several pounds of assorted fruits per appearance. The signing marks the fourth time NBC has hired animals to provide game analysis, including Secretariat in 1974, Funny Cide in 2004, and John Madden in 2006.

“We’re very pleased to add Mr. Brown to our expert team of dedicate d sportscasters,” NBC spokesperson Ryan Ellis said at the press conference. “We look forward to a long and productive relationship with Mr. Brown, and hope he provides the expert inside opinion that our viewers look for.”

Brown declined to answer questions, instead opting to thrash around while hundreds of flash photographs were being taken, but his agent did tell SSNN that Brown is thoroughly pleased to be working for NBC. “Ever since that disappointing loss in the Belmont Stakes, Big had been looking for a purpose, something to do with all the free time he has. Now he has found it.”

Many horse racing enthusiasts were excited about the news, and look forward to watching the thoroughbred give the inside scoop on horse racing, and hopefully give the sport a large publicity spike.

“I’m excited,” said Mark Tutolla of Chicago. “You know Brown is one of the smartest horses out there and I’m interested in getting to know the side of him that the public doesn’t see very often. He doesn’t give many interviews, he seems like a very shy guy. So for those of us that are just used to seeing him win, and then walk away without so much as a whinny, this will be quite a change.”

Some have speculated whether Brown, who has only given two interviews in his life, has the personality to engage himself with a TV audience. Brown is widely perceived to be cripplingly shy and aloof by the public, which is why many now question NBC’s decision to hire Brown..

“I saw his interview after the Preakness, it was barely intelligible. He just sorta mumbled a bit and then walked away. If he can’t even do a post-race interview competently, how on earth is he supposed to be an engaging TV personality?” wondered Kevin Makerweather of Boston.

Mr. Brown, or ‘Biggie’ as his friends call him, has the wealth of knowledge that only seven races and 6 months in horse racing can bring. There is also the possibility of his revealing to the public the details of his feud with his jockey Kent Desormeaux, who allegedly is still upset over the pair’s heartbreaking loss in the Belmont. According to several reports, the pair have not spoken since, and Desormeaux allegedly called Brown a “stupid, hay-eating bastard” over the summer.

At press time Mr. Brown was chewing on a carrot and resting comfortably in his stable.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!