Azinger favorite to be next coach of Oakland Raiders

OAKLAND, CA — Citing his unbelievable success at the Ryder Cup, Al Davis has his eyes on Paul Azinger as the potential next coach of the Oakland Raiders.

“Did you see the crap that that dude pulled with that gang of misfits at the Ryder Cup?” Davis asked SSNN. “If he can beat the Europeans with that ragtag pile of donkeys, he can easily get us to .500 with the amount of talent that we have.”

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Davis still has Lane Kiffin as his coach, though there is a sentiment that he is about to fire him. Rumors have swirled for about three weeks as Kiffin has managed to keep the Raiders barely afloat. After losing to the Bills, 23-21, the Raiders stand at 1-2 with one week to go before the bye.

Azinger, who has proclaimed that he knows nothing whatsoever about football, said he’d be glad to take on the challenge.

“I see the Raiders as being a lot like the U.S. Ryder Cup team,” Azinger said. “The U.S. team had Tiger Woods for all those years and didn’t do anything; the Raiders had Randy Moss and didn’t do anything. The Raiders have a bunch of women on the sidelines with really nice breasts; the U.S. golf team has Phil Mickelson. So if we can win the Ryder Cup, whose to say we can’t with the Super Bowl, or the Grey Cup, or whatever the hell it’s called.”

Many Raiders fans are skeptical.

“Look, I don’t know what this guy knows about football, if anything,” said Hector Montanez, 33, a lifelong Raiders fan. “A lot of his decisions will be ridiculous and he’ll likely lose control of the team pretty quickly. Also, he’ll have no credibility with the fans. Wait — am I talking about Paul Azinger, or Lane Kiffin?”