Zambrano used stunt double Sunday so he could attend Lollapalooza

CHICAGO, IL — The Chicago Cubs are furious today after learning that Carlos Zambrano employed a stunt double for his start on Sunday, so he could attend Chicago’s popular Lollapalooza music festival.

“What can we say?” Zambrano said. “Carlos Zambrano loves Kanye West. Loves him. I mean, he’s a total egomaniac, but he puts on a hell of a show. And for Carlos Zambrano to call someone an egomaniac, well…”

The burly right-hander apparently paid Juan Dominguez, a local construction worker who bears a striking physical similarity to Zambrano, a sum of $200 to pitch in his place on Sunday.

“We had put in so much time at Lolla on Friday and Saturday, and we saw some great shows,” Zambrano said. “But it’s sort of one of those deals where you want to see it all. How can you go to Lolla for two days and then just pass up Kanye West and Gnarls Barkley? You can’t. At least, Carlos Zambrano can’t.”

Zambrano’s initial deal with Dominguez was apparently for only $100. The additional $100 was a bonus for Dominguez’s stellar five-plus-inning performance – the former Chicagoland Little League Traveling All-Star allowed only one earned run in helping the Cubs grab a 5-2 lead on the way to an eventual 8-5 win over the Pirates, and finished 1-for-2 with an RBI at the plate.

“We are in a pennant race,” Zambrano said. “So we thought the extra cash was worth it. After all, the faith of the entire Cubs Nation is riding on us. Who are we to be cavalier with that?”

Zambrano, who told Lou Piniella about his scheme after being interrogated for 11 minutes, said he was not really nervous about getting caught.

“Yeah, we weren’t really worried about getting busted,” Zambrano said. “We were worried about having to miss the end of Mark Ronson so we could get a decent standing position for Kanye. We didn’t want another Raconteurs/Radiohead situation, if you know what we mean.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!