Tour de France reportedly over, someone presumably won

CHICAGO, IL — North side resident Bill Meyer has suddenly realized that the Tour de France, the biggest prize in international cycling, “probably ended a couple weeks ago,” but also told SSNN staff that he’s “not really sure.”

Now that Lance Armstrong is retired, and the sport isn’t embroiled in a doping scandal to the same degree as last year, the sporting world – along with Meyer – is still struggling to figure out just exactly what happened.

“I Googled it, and I still don’t know,” complained Meyer, who became interested in the event when Armstrong had his highly publicized run of seven straight tour titles. “There was a bunch of stuff online about different historical Tour de Frances, and a bunch of stuff about the past doping scandal, but nothing about this year. I did find one thing that was a picture of a cat sitting on a bicycle seat, and I made that my desktop image because I just think it’s so cute. But yeah, really nothing on the 2008 Tour.”

Meyer indicated that he’d pretty much surmised that the Tour was over, since a lot of the people who would be riding in the Tour were at the Olympics. Still, he had no clue as to who, if anyone, won the event.

“I bet it was one of those Europeans,” Meyer said. “They’re pretty good at riding bikes, and, you know, doping. But maybe it was an American – I mean, Floyd Landis was good at doping, right? I just wish there was some way to figure this out.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!