Tarvaris Jackson constantly nonplussed

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Reports from Vikings camp indicate that quarterback Tarvaris Jackson has accomplished at least two things so far this season – he has managed to fend off Brett Favre, and he has learned a new word.

“I’m a little nonplussed about the whole Favre situation, and how that played out,” Jackson told SSNN. “Not angry, per se. Definitely not irate, nor perturbed. Just a bit nonplussed.”

According to Brad Childress, Jackson is “nonplussed” about virtually everything these days.

“It’s pretty damn annoying,” Childress said. “He’s constantly using that stupid word. I guess it means sort of displeased or annoyed, without really being displeased or annoyed. To be honest, it’s very Tarvaris to not go all the way with something. Heaven forbid he actually be ‘pissed off,’ or ‘angry.’”

According to reports from Vikings camp, Jackson was nonplussed at least four times in one day this week.

“Well, when AP [running back Adrian Peterson] dropped that pass on the screen play, I was a bit nonplussed,” Jackson said. “I was also nonplussed when I found out we were having mac and cheese for the fourth day in a row as the side dish in the cafeteria, and I was equally nonplussed when I couldn’t find my helmet for the afternoon practice.”

Jackson later found his helmet under his chair, but reports came late in the day that Jackson was “totally and completely nonplussed” about practice running seven minutes over the scheduled ending time of 6 PM.

Childress said he’s already grown tired of Jackson’s equivocating and whining, and that he hopes the young quarterback will get over it soon.

“You know what I’m nonplussed about?” Childress asked. “I’m nonplussed that we have a douchebag, interception-throwing quarterback that whines all the time. I mean, we could have had Brett Favre!”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!