Strahan stays retired, wants his check for $25 million ASAP

NEW YORK, NY — New York Giants football officials were scrambling today to see if they really owed Michael Strahan $25 million after the retired defensive end turned down their offer to return to the defending Super Bowl champs.

“That’s how it works, right?” Strahan said. “I get $25 million for not playing. That’s the whole reason I even talked about un-retiring in the first place – $25 million is a lot of money. I figured if it was out there, I should definitely take it.”

The Giants are not clear about exactly what happened, but they hope to clarify the situation as quickly as possible.

“I think Michael may have misunderstood,” said Tom Coughlin, head coach of the Giants. “It’s a bit of a different situation than with his friend Brett Favre. See, there, the Packers didn’t want Favre to come back, so they tried to bribe him. But we really need Mike to come back and help us out. I mean, we’ll pay him if he wants to play, but we’re not going to pay him not to play.”

However, Strahan is relentless in pursuit of his just desserts. He says he has spoken to a number of authorities on the subject – including Brett Favre himself – and is fairly certain that the money is owed to him.

“The New York Giants owe me $25 million, and I expect to collect it,” Strahan said. “That’s just the bottom line. If you talk to a player who has retired, you better hope that you have $25 million that you can use to pay him if he doesn’t end up playing for you. End of story.

“Listen, working for Fox doesn’t really pay like I thought it would, and I’ve got alimony to worry about. That $25 mill-do will go a long way towards getting my whore of an ex-wife off my back.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!