Sabathia credits Boss for NL dominance

MILWAUKEE, WI — Recently acquired Brewer’s pitcher CC Sabathia has gone on a tear as of late – with an 8-0 record and an ERA of 1.60 in his nine starts since being traded to Milwaukee – inspiring talk of a possible NL Cy Young Award. Surprisingly, the big left-hander credits his surge not to switching leagues but to his recent discovery of rock legend Bruce Springsteen.

“Bruce is a fucking god, man,” an overly enthusiastic Sabathia told SSNN. “He’s incredible. I don’t know how I had never heard of him before a few weeks a go. All the credit goes to him, man. He’s made me a good pitcher, but an even better person.

“Just before I was traded, I was just sitting at my locker when I saw Grady Sizemore carrying this CD, and I was like, ‘Yo, who’s that old fart?’ But then he put it in the CD player and I knew then and there that I would never be the same.”

Sabathia has taken to constantly playing Springsteen’s music in the Brewers’ clubhouse, and has even decorated his locker with pictures of the multiple-Grammy winner. Unfortunately, the Rock and Roll Hall-of-Famer’s constant presence in the Brewers’ clubhouse is proving irritating to some of Sabathia’s teammates.

“It’s getting pretty annoying,” confided outfielder Ryan Braun. “I mean, I’m as big a fan of Springsteen as anybody, but you can only hear ‘Glory Days’ so many times before it starts to grate on you, you know? Plus, CC keeps humming the tunes and singing the lyrics out in the field too, when there isn’t any music playing.

“He’s even putting the lyrics into everyday conversation. When our latest win streak was broken, CC was like, ‘everything dies baby, that’s a fact. But maybe everything that dies someday comes back.’ Ugh.”

Sabathia has also begun to demand that his teammates sing along to his pre-game music in the clubhouse, lest he refuse to pitch. SSNN witnessed one such display last week to the tune of Spirit in the Night.

“…and they dance like spirits in the night!” sang Sabathia pointing to his teammates.

“All night,” mumbled the rest of the team rather unenthusiastically, knowing they’d have to repeat the exchange.

Still, much as many members of the Brewers are sick of Springsteen, manager Ned Yost told SSNN he is willing to tolerate Sabathia’s behavior only as long as the left-hander continues to dominate on the mound.

“He is walking a thin line right now,” Yost told SSNN, as he listened to his new ace walk by singing ‘Prove It All Night.’ “The absolute instant he blows a game, I will personally destroy every Springsteen CD in the city of Milwaukee. I’m not even kidding right now.”

When told of his manager’s threat, CC said simply, “I don’t care. The only boss I listen to anymore is Bruce Springsteen.”