Ramirez plans to become gay porn star

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Looking to capitalize on his new locale, Manny Ramirez told SSNN he is hoping to get into the gay porn industry.

The latest addition to the Los Angeles Dodgers admitted that while he has very little acting experience – and his knowledge of gay porn is “mediocre at best” – Ramirez also feels that his new profession could be used as a bargaining chip in contract negotiations, and that it could even lead to non-porn acting opportunities. Also, less importantly, Ramirez’s trademark dreadlocks are encouraged in the gay porn industry, unlike with Joe Torre’s Dodgers.

“The man call and say, ‘Man-Ram, we want you to ram men and make lots of money,’” Ramirez told SSNN. “Manny’s been Manny for long enough, it’s time to expand my horizons. I don’t know gay that well, but I’m a quick learner.”

Ramirez said he will use the alias Man-Ram in all his films, “for obvious reasons.” The slugger also told SSNN that he is already working on non-gay aliases for his eventual introduction to the mainstream film industry, with Manny Manuel and Fuck You Theo Epstein sitting as his current favorites.

“They say many actors make the jump from gay porn to Hollywood blockbusters,” Ramirez said. “Tom Cruise, George Clooney and Brad Pitt all started off in gay porn, so Manny is optimistic.”

Though he was reluctant to give too much away, Ramirez said his first film will be called “The Green Monster,” and will feature elements of both The Green Mile and The Incredible Hulk – the 2003 Eric Bana Hulk, not the 2008 Edward Norton version – with lots of gay sex thrown in, naturally.

Sources within the company producing Man-Ram’s first film told SSNN that due to his general inexperience with acting, the Dodgers’ slugger will only have two or three lines, and the film will focus more on “action scenes.”

Ramirez also admitted he has never had gay sex, though he imagines “it can’t be much worse than putting up with Kevin Youkilis for a few years.” He did say that during the Red Sox 2004 World Series celebration, he accidentally rubbed up against David Ortiz’s member and that the nickname “Big Papi” is appropriate.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!