Probation for Busch, Edwards finally gives NASCAR fans some excitement

NEW YORK, NY — After years of muddling along trying to figure out how to add some drama to their sport, NASCAR officials finally stumbled upon the answer this week, when they placed drivers Kyle Busch and Carl Edwards on probation for their actions following last week’s race.

Busch, who is leading the Sprint Cup Series in points, and Edwards, who is second, will each serve a six-week probationary period for an incident that involved the drivers spinning each other out toward the end of the race. As the Series nears the “Chase for the Cup,” each driver will have their behavior monitored closely by NASCAR.

The fan reaction is very strongly in favor.

“Finally, after years of watching NASCAR, I’ve got something to be intrigued by,” said James “T-Bone” Peterson, 24, of Asheville, NC “Before this probation, all we had was cars going around a track at 180 miles an hour, gruesome wrecks, on-track fighting, bump-drafting, fires, blown tires, super-technological cars, cheating, racial tension, pit crew members getting run over, Darrell Waltrip, racers dying, sexual discrimination, profanity, enormous amounts of money, backflips, giant trophies, and of course Coca-Cola being sprayed all over the place.

“So you can see how it would be a bit boring. That’s why I’m so glad for this new probation system — it’s really going to liven things up.”

NASCAR officials, however, are adamant that their solution for the issue is the correct one, and not simply a ploy for attention.

“We must insist on the highest standard of behavior and decorum from our athletes and drivers,” said Bill France, current king of NASCAR. “Our fans insist on nothing less. I mean, if we didn’t do it, what would we be saying about our fans? That they’re the type of people who enjoy this sort of uncouth behavior and less-than-dignified human interaction? No, we intend to uphold the honor and dignity of our athletes and fans alike.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!