Piazza apparently retired some time ago

NEW YORK, NY — Much to our collective surprise, SSNN has learned that Mike Piazza, future Hall of Fame catcher for the Dodgers, Mets and most recently the Padres and A’s, retired sometime earlier this year – possibly in late May.

Though it seems almost nobody was aware of his departure, the reporting of this story may very well answer a question that might have been in the back of the mind of a handful of baseball fans, about just what the former MVP was doing these days.

“Really, he’s through?” asked lifelong Queens resident Ernie Hobson. “I was wondering what happened to that guy. I sort of lost track of him after he left town; last I heard he was in Oakland or something.”

“You mean the catcher who everybody said was gay?” diehard Mets fan Brett Goldenbam asked SSNN. “Pizza, or whatever his name was. He was awesome, wasn’t he? I remember that steroid guy threw a bat at him one time, that was awesome.”

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Piazza played for the Mets for eight seasons, and was one of the cornerstones of a team that reached the World Series in 2000. He left New York as a free agent after the 2005 season, signing with the Padres, where apparently the majority of the baseball world “just basically lost touch” with the power hitting backstop.

Piazza’s agent Dan Lozano was overjoyed to answer SSNN’s questions, saying he was shocked at the lack of attention the 12-time All Star’s retirement generated.

“Mike was one of the greatest catchers of all time,” Lozano insisted. “But the minute he leaves precious New York, he’s no longer relevant. Thanks a lot, ESPN – East Coast bias having sons of bitches. The press conference announcing the retirement was just me, Mike, his wife and some high school newspaper writer. Mike’s stalker didn’t even show up, and he never used to miss anything.”

When asked why Piazza’s retirement generated so little publicity, Baseball Tonight host Karl Ravech appeared confused. “Wait, what? Piazza retired? When? … In May? Huh. Well, too late to do anything about it now, I guess.”

“I don’t know, maybe… I guess. Are you totally sure he’s retired?” Mets GM Omar Minaya mused when asked if there were any plans to retire Piazza’s number 31. “I mean, it would be kind of embarrassing to retire his number if he’s still playing. But if he’s really done – then yeah, why not? I barely remember him, but he was supposed to be really good. If I find the time, I’ll get around to filing the paperwork or whatever it is you do when you retire a number. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a city’s heart to crush.”

Regardless, Piazza is sure to return to the spotlight in five years, when he is sure to be inducted into Cooperstown. Assuming of course, that word reaches the Baseball Writers Association of America that Piazza has in fact been retired from the game for the requisite time period.