PGA invites Ramirez, Favre to gain extra coverage

BLOOMFIELD TOWNSHIP, MI — PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem has taken the unusual step of inviting non-professional golfers Manny Ramirez and Brett Favre to play in the PGA Championship this week at Oaklind Hills Country Club, in hopes of boosting sagging ratings that are suffering from Tiger Woods’ absence as he rehabs his surgically repaired knee.

“We need help,” Finchem said. “I mean, we need help really badly. We got lucky with the British – I mean, we can’t just go through life assuming that some over-the-hill has-been will rise from the dead to challenge for a title at every major. Hell, I’ve never even heard of the guys who were the clubhouse leaders after the first round.

“So anyway, I’ve invited Manny Ramirez and Brett Favre to join us at the PGA championship. These guys are really all the rage right now, and I’ve got a feeling that it’s going to help out our ratings considerably.”

According to Finchem, Favre actually plays golf, and is about a 30 handicap. Ramirez claims he has never played golf in his life, but that he has seen the movie Tin Cup approximately 30 times.

“Manny being Manny, I guess,” Finchem told SSNN. “He loves his rom-coms.”

Finchem said his plan is primarily based on money, but it’s also a pragmatic way of getting his association back in the good graces of the public at large.

“Listen, if SportsCenter is going to spend 40 of their 60 minutes every night talking about these two guys, we might as well have them play golf for us,” Finchem said. “It’s really no different than when the Minnesota Timberwolves hired O.J. Simpson to play point guard for them during his murder trial. Same concept.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!