Passing of trade deadline allows President Bush to focus more on politics

WASHINGTON, D.C. — August 25 has come and gone, and President Bush has informed his staff and the nation at large that he’s “now ready to really get back to work, and to give a strong push for the last few months.”

August 25, of course, is the annual trading deadline in Bush’s rotisserie baseball league, “The League of Less-Than-Ordinary Gentlemen,” in which he has participated the last nine years.

“I have a real chance to have my best finish ever this year,” Bush told SSNN. “I really think that I can get second, if Johan keeps pitching well and [Matt] Holliday steals about 11 more bases. But leading up to the trading deadline, it was tough to focus on anything else. Because you never really know – if someone goes out and makes a blockbuster and gets, say, Albert Pujols and Joe Nathan… Well, then I’ll have to counter that immediately. It’s just a lot of stuff to keep in mind, and it was difficult to focus on anything else until the deadline passed.”

However, the deadline came and went with minimal trading activity.

“Cheney made a deal to get Raul Ibanez,” Bush said. “Small potatoes. Nancy [Pelosi, who is in the league for the first time] went out and got Joe Mauer and Jose Reyes, but I think it’s too little too late for her. The only team I was really worried about was Condi Rice’s team, but she was too busy visiting Atlanta or something to be able to make any moves.”

But Bush assured SSNN that he is now going to really refocus his efforts on being the best president he can be for the rest of his term.

“I think I’m really going to try and crush it the rest of the way,” Bush said. “I mean, I really want to dominate as President. I’d like to reform illegal immigration, and I’d like to clean up social security, and a few other things like that. But, if none of that is possible, then I’d really like to finish second in fantasy, which is almost as much of an accomplishment, if you ask me.”