Ken Griffey tears hamstring

CHICAGO, IL — In what can only be described as a freak accident, new Chicago White Sox centerfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. has torn his hamstring before ever setting foot on the field for the team.

“I was just sitting there in the news conference, listening to Kenny Williams,” Griffey said. “All of a sudden he says, ‘I’m excited to introduce our new centerfielder, Ken Griffey, Jr.’ I don’t quite understand it, but as soon as he said the word ‘centerfielder,’ my hamstring popped.”

Griffey began to writhe in agony during the press conference, and was immediately tended to by the medical staff which the White Sox has hired to follow Griffey at all times. They placed him in a stretcher and immediately wrapped his body in the giant suit of ice that they keep prepared for him at all times.

“We think Griffey is going to be okay,” Williams said. “We certainly were not expecting this. We felt like he could be a valuable contribution to our team, but we did not realize that even the mention of the word centerfield would result in a serious injury to him.”

This is the fifth time that Griffey has torn his hamstring. He has torn it twice during major league games, once during the aforementioned press conference, once while picking his child up from daycare and once while watching an episode of ‘Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper’ on TV.

Griffey hopes to make it back in time for the playoffs.

“Yeah, if we make it to the playoffs, then I’ll be ready to suit up and play,” he said. “Gosh, I just hope we make it. I told Kenny Williams that he should try and get some outfield help, just in case. You know, we may need another solid bat in the outfield to hold off the Twins.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!