Main Menu

Home	About
Features	Submit
Facebook	MySpace
Friends	NSR
Contact	Mad-Libs
Archives	Gallery
Sponsors	Advertise
Subscribe	Jobs
SCNN	Twitter!
Free picks!

Go to Vividseats.com to get all hard-to-find Sports Tickets, including all NCAA Football Tickets , Basketball Tickets , Baseball Tickets , College Basketball Tickets , Tennis Tickets , PGA Tickets, NASCAR Tickets, NFL Tickets , and Super Bowl Tickets.

Get free NFL picks from PicksNFL.com
Wunderdog Sports is your source for football picks Get free football picks at TopTenCappers.com

Check out EnglishHarbour Network, the best and trusted online casino providing the online slots, table games and other casino games. Visit us for the best online gambling experience and great casino bonuses.

Cheap Sports Tickets
14 major suppliers
mega major $$$ deals
... Sports Ticket Depot.

TOUTHOUSE.COM
NFL Betting Predictions, Free NFL Picks and Current Football Odds

Brett Favre |New Curse

Ticket Solutions
Sports Tickets
NFL
Baseball
Super Bowl
World Series
NCAA Tournament

See the DC United Playoffs with MLS tickets. All your other favorite sports events tickets are also at RazorGator.

Cheap Premium Tickets.com
Get tickets to your favorite sporting events including New York Giants tickets, Pittsburgh Steelers tickets, Detroit Red Wings tickets, Los Angeles Lakers tickets, San Francisco Giants tickets and more.

News Item

Johnson injures mouth, mute 3-4 weeks

CINCINNATI, OH — Cincinnati Bengals‘ publicity-seeking star wideout Chad Johnson severely burned his tongue and lips on what is being called “a particularly hot papaya” before his team’s preseason game against the Lions.

Doctors say the five-time Pro Bowler could be left speechless for as many as four weeks, leaving the sports media scrambling for football material to fill programming over that period.

“It’s pretty bad,” admitted team doctor William Carveth. “Any attempt at verbal communication at this point would only serve to further aggravate the injury, so we’ve had his mouth wired shut just to be safe.

“Luckily, he is completely cleared to play. This injury will not prevent him from taking the field,” continued Dr. Carveth in a dismal attempt to raise the spirits of the press corps.

With Michael Phelps no longer competing in the Olympics and the Brett Favre saga essentially over, the sports media is poised to hit a dry spell in the weeks leading up to the start of the NFL regular season. The announcement that Johnson – whose latest headline-grabbing stunt was the claim that he was going to legally change his last name to Ocho-Cinco – will be a non-factor in the coming weeks has shaken the media to its core.

When asked for comment, Johnson could only reply, “NMffffff…mmmmnnfff nuuummm.”

In the wake of Johnson’s mouth injury, ESPN has revealed that they will attempt to fill the unexpected gaps using constant injury updates and a ‘mute-o-meter’ measuring the level of volume that the All-Pro wide receiver is capable of producing. Still, a source inside ESPN headquarters admitted to SSNN under condition of anonymity that it might not be enough.

“The injury update is fine, but we can only milk that for five minutes, max,” the ESPN executive explained. “We can easily drop 15 every time he demands a trade, or bickers with the NFL league office. All we can really do right now is pray for a shooting or something, preferably with critical injuries. That last part’s off the record, by the way.”

When asked by SSNN if simple written communication could solve the problem, ESPN personality Trey Wingo was doubtful.

“Unlikely. Frankly, I’ve seen Chad’s handwriting and it’s pretty poor,” the NFL Live studio host explained. “Plus, that would give Chad time to think about what he’s about to say, and he might backtrack on some of his more idiotic comments, which could really prove fatal to us.”

Strangely, many of Johnson’s teammates seemed unperturbed by their star’s injury.

“I was concerned Chad might have been giving his mouth too much of a workout, anyway,” quarterback Carson Palmer told SSNN. “I think this could be a blessing in disguise – just to let Chad know his limits. When you’ve been making headlines with every comment for that long, you can push yourself beyond what is necessary. This could be a good time for Chad to step back and reevaluate his goals.”

Fellow wide receiver and over-talker Terrell Owens came out in support of Johnson, though.

“I’ve been there. I know what its like to have your most valuable asset taken out from under you. I remember when I got my wisdom teeth removed; it was really hard to talk for, like, two or three days. I can’t even imagine going four weeks. Now, who wants to hear about how I made Pacman my bitch today?”

If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to our newsletter or RSS feed and get hilarious sports news every day. Thanks for visiting!

Labels: Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson, Cincinnati Bengals, ESPN, Football, NFL, NFL Live, Pacman Jones, Terrell Owens, Trey Wingo, William Carveth

Posted on August 20th, 2008

Got a headline idea? Click here to submit it... and be sure to visit our Facebook page!

Other Related News Items

• Chad Johnson requests trade to Dallas (April 25, 2008)
• Johnson admits he just doesn’t know how to tie his shoes (June 15, 2008)
• Johnson surprised to learn cheerleader he proposed to leaving Bengals (April 9, 2008)
• Ocho Cinco says willingness to be deactivated shows he’s a team player (November 24, 2008)

Link To This Post

<a target="_blank" href="http://www.serioussportsnewsnetwork.com/2008/08/johnson-injures-mouth-mute-3-4-weeks.html" title="Johnson injures mouth, mute 3-4 weeks">Johnson injures mouth, mute 3-4 weeks</a>

Comments

Be the first to leave a comment on this story below...

Leave A Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Search Our Site

  

Subscribe to SSNN's Newsletter

Enter your Email

Check Out These Classics

• Dallas radio personality alleges Wings equipped with strategically placed rockets
• Another controversial endorsement for Ditka
• Tens of people watched ESPN’s "Meeting"
• Lions thinking about drafting a receiver with the first pick in the draft
• Scandal rocks hot dog eating contest

Multimedia News

Vertical Soccer

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!

View Multimedia Archives...

Photo Gallery

Visit our Gallery for a full listing of images...

Featured News

• Hampton injures himself while signing contract
• Plaxico attempts “shot therapy” to get back into lineup
• Pacman to Ditka: “From my cold, dead hands!”
• Kornheiser spends most Sunday nights sleeping in a Dumpster
• Roger Goodell Pardons Culpepper
• Older Featured News...

News In Brief

• GroupWrite: Favre calls McCain, tells him how to beat Obama
• GroupWrite: Lebron James taking election day off to get out the vote
• GroupWrite: Michael Vick to rehabilitate with Cowboys
• GroupWrite: Oden to dress up as NBA player for Halloween
• BREAKING NEWS: McCain admits he doesn’t know who Hamels is; election in jeopardy
• Older News In Brief...

Get Free Sports Picks from: Doc - A 36 year veteran Robert Ferringo Strike Point Sports Allen Eastman Vegas Sports Informer

Want CHEAP sports tickets? From NASCAR tickets to WWE tickets, or Red Sox tickets, Final Four tickets to discount Super Bowl tickets, find great deals on all kinds of event tickets here.

Sports fans may not always be serious about their news, but they're serious about their tickets. For NBA Playoffs tickets or Raptors tickets in Toronto, or Cowboys tickets online, CTC has a serious selection of the best sports tickets on the web. Get NY Giants tickets and sold out Super Bowl tickets too!

Pickspal.com
Football Picks
College Football Picks

MTC Tickets
Sold Out Events Tickets
Justin Timberlake Tour
American Idol Seats
Broadway Theater Tickets
Sold Out Sports Tickets
Hot Concert Tickets
March Madness Tickets

Golf is at its finest with Masters Tickets, while other historically important Sports Tickets like the Kentucky Derby Packages, and NFL Super Bowl Tickets are always hard to come by!