Harden invites teammates to view WALL-E

CHICAGO, IL — In what he hoped would be a team-building exercise that would let his teammates get to know him a bit better, Rich Harden invited several Cubs teammates to join him for a screening of the movie WALL-E Saturday, only to find himself ridiculed.

“I just thought it would be a nice team-building, spirit thing,” Harden said. “You know, a couple hours in the theater, bit of popcorn, few laughs… Perhaps some unexpected deep insight into the fabric of the American ideal – you know, if we’re lucky; that sort of thing. Basically just some good old fashioned fun.”

However, Harden’s teammates did not see it the same way.

“That’s a kid’s movie!” exclaimed left fielder Alfonso Soriano. “What are you, gay?!”

“He’s not gay,” shouted Aramis “Rammie” Ramirez. “He’s a pervert! Unless of course he’s a gay pervert!”

Derrek Lee, just entering the room, quickly announced that Harden, as a gay pervert who likes going to the movies, “shall be known henceforth as Pee Wee Herman.”

“It’s sort of a shame that Pee Wee Herman isn’t having a better time here,” Lee said. “He’s a good player. and it seems like he’s nice enough. But the bottom line is, we are in a pennant race here – so sweating little kids in movie theaters, that can’t happen.”

Harden was saddened by the exchange.

“You know, on the A’s, we had such a great time,” he said. “Me, Swish, Huston Street – we always used to go and see the hot new movies. Obviously things are different here. Mean different. “

Harden said he still went to see the movie, by himself, though he did run into White Sox slugger Jim Thome at the theater.

When reached for comment, Thome described Wall-E as a “robust commentary on the modern American experience,” and a “sweet flick.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!