Gasol on photo controversy: “You should’ve seen our other ideas!”

BEIJING, CHINA — If you were offended by the recent photograph of the Spanish basketball team “slanting” their eyes to mimic the way Chinese people look, Pau Gasol wants you to know that it could have been a lot worse.

“If they were offended by that, then they really would have been pissed off by some of our other ideas,” Gasol told SSNN about the recent photo. “We had one, in particular, where we were all in blackface – you know, ’cause of the new Robert Downey Jr. movie. Anyway, if the slanty-eyes thing pissed people off, imagine how mad they’d have been about blackface!”

Gasol said the whole drama is just a big misunderstanding.

“People don’t get it,” Gasol said. “We on the Spanish basketball team, we meant no harm. It’s just that we’re incredible, amazing racists – some of the most unbelievable racists you’ve ever seen. I guess people just have different views about things like that.”

Gasol also mentioned that there was a proposed photo that would have involved people from Latin America – all he would reveal is that it involved the use of bananas for purposes other than eating. He also indicated that the team had a bunch of other ideas that would carry the concept of the photograph out into the public eye.

“If we played the U.S. in the finals, we were thinking about coming out wearing confederate flags, you know?” Gasol said. “That would be a hoot!”

Gasol said the controversy is making him rethink his views on the world.

“It’s a really sad situation that certain people have these viewpoints that are so behind-the-times,” he said. “But, not all people can be as cool as the Spanish are, laughing at history and people’s funny faces. Hopefully, though, this will be an opportunity for the Americans and Chinese to catch up a bit with the times… You know, modernize.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!