Drew’s lingering back problems result of carrying team in June

BOSTON, MA — Boston Red Sox outfielder JD Drew got a surprise diagnosis from team physician Dr. Thomas Gill Wednesday regarding his ailing back.

“His lower back has been bothering him since early July,” Dr. Gill said in a recent press conference. “There’s no way to trace the source of this kind of injury with 100% accuracy, of course, but we believe it was seriously strained in June as a direct result of carrying the team on his shoulders.”

Terry Francona put the injury into perspective for SSNN: “The weight of the club in recent years has been carried by David Ortiz, Manny [Ramirez] and Josh Beckett. But with Ortiz on the DL, Beckett struggling, and Manny pretty much going on strike, June was a tough month for us. Drew really picked us up… literally, I guess.”

Drew hit a career-high twelve home runs in June, while sporting a .462 on-base percentage.

“It was just something I felt I had to do,” Drew said, speaking for the first time since accepting the All-Star Game MVP award. “I’m a team guy, so I just did what I thought was best for the team.”

While Ortiz and Beckett praised Drew for his resiliency during the Sox time of need, Ramirez was less sympathetic.

“Look man, my knee was really hurt,” the now-Dodger said, pointing to his elbow. “Good for PJ, or whatever his name is, for stepping up. And I’m sorry he’s hurt, but there’s nothing I can do, and I really don’t think I have any culpability.”

Dr. Gill prescribed a week’s worth of rest for Drew, who he believes will fade into his usual mediocrity now that the rest of the Sox are hitting. “Now that the team has [Jason] Bay, a healthy Ortiz, and a solid supporting cast, I shouldn’t have to be treating any more back injuries.”

In an unrelated story, the Red Sox were forced to option two players to AAA Pawtucket to literally make physical space for Bartolo Colon.

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!