DataTec “Work Olympics” an enormous failure

BETHELEHEM, PA — DataTec Systems office manager Richard Scottson is always looking for new ways to inspire the 13 employees at his branch of the Pennsylvania payroll provider.

“With the economy the way it is these days, and all the problems that people around the country are facing, I want to turn DataTec into a place where people can really enjoy themselves when they are at work,” Scottson said. “So when the Olympics came around, I thought to myself, ‘What a wonderful opportunity. Let’s do our own version.’”

Scottson set out to create a “work Olympics,” containing eight events, including filing, shredding, voicemail and – of course – stapling. The staff would compete both as individuals and as teams, and the winners would receive “special rewards that would embody the spirit of the Olympic games – like Twix candy bars,” Scottson said.

Unfortunately, the Work Olympics have not worked out as well as Scottson thought they would.

“I would just recommend to any other office manager that it’s best to think these sorts of things through before just diving into them. The stapling event got a little out of hand,” Scottson said. “That’s on me; bad management. The rules should have clearly stated that only manual staples would work, and not those huge ones either – just the regular kind. So I left a loophole and they took advantage of it. Fine. That won’t happen again in 2012.”

Scottson also said that the filing event was rocked by a serious paper cut, and the voicemail event featured a doping scandal.

“The whole Olympics thing was pretty lame,” said Susan Devereaux, 24, who received the bronze in ergonometry for having her computer chair at nearly the perfect height as dictated by OSHA standards, and was the only DataTec employee whose comments on the Work Olympics are printable under SSNN’s decency standards. “Yeah, I mean, I got a bronze medal. Translation: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.”

With Devereaux as the most enthusiastic medal-winner, Scottson was dismayed at the results of his endeavor.

“I really thought that this would be a huge success,” he said. “I envisioned the whole office standing around during the faxing relay races, cheering one another on, paper flying to and fro with intensity. Alas, it was not to be.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!