Chicagoans still suffering from storm

CHICAGO, IL — Monday’s violent storms are still impacting many residents in the Chicagoland area, and though life is back to normal for some, others are still feeling the effects.

Jerome Lee, who lives in Chicago’s Logan Square neighborhood, was without power until early Wednesday morning – and even then he was still without cable television and Internet.

“It’s been awful – I feel so disconnected from the rest of the world,” Lee told SSNN. “Worse yet, I’m not really sure what Brett Favre has done in the past 36 hours, and it’s absolutely killing me.”

Lee admitted his anxiety over a lack of Favre information has been compounded by his jokester friends and family. Jimmy, his college roommate, swore to Lee that Favre had been traded to CBS soap opera Guiding Light for ESPN analyst Mark Schlereth’s alter-ego, Detective Roc Hoover.

“I know how ridiculous that sounds looking back at it, but you have to understand I wasn’t thinking correctly without access to the World Wide Web,” Lee explained. “At least I get the joke now.”

Lee’s brother, Greg, also had a doozy for the gullible Favre addict. He concocted a story about Favre getting traded for a bear, with an ingenious media circus/circus bear comparison punch line thrown in at the end.

“Greg’s always been really clever; he definitely got me on that one,” Lee said. “I mean really, I couldn’t even act mad at him for that one.”

After countless calls to Comcast, Lee said he has reason to believe he will once again be able to follow Favre’s every move by this evening at the latest. Lee also said that despite the hardships he has suffered, he really feels like he’s become a better person through all of this.

“It’s like they say, you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone,” he said. “I just want to thank all the media professionals for their continued coverage of Brett and every single little thing he’s done for the past month – it’s really meant a lot to me. I can’t wait to see what happens next!”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!