Bush learns that waterboarding is not an Olympic sport

BEIJING, CHINA — U.S. President George W. Bush had an embarrassing moment today during a sightseeing trip in China, when he was informed that waterboarding is not an Olympic sport but actually a grotesque act of torture that is practiced by the United States.

When asked by a reporter which Olympic event he was most excited to see, Bush answered, “I’d really like to check out this waterboarding that everyone is talking about. From what I understand, it’s a really breathtaking event, and I also have been told that we’re one of the only nations in the world that has really developed a proficiency in it. I guess it’s just another way that we’re more developed than the rest of the world.”

Unfortunately, President Bush seemed not to notice the shocked and disgusted looks on the faces of not only the gathered press but also his aides and advisors.

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“Just think about it,” he continued. “We’ll be out there, on the South Pacific, watching the waves and drowning our troubles and our sorrows. Yes, I am very excited to see the United States waterboard the living hell out of many of the Olympians. Is that the right way to say it? I don’t know, I’m not actually that familiar with the sport.”

While the press corps recoiled in horror and his wife desperately tried to silence him without saying a word herself, Bush went on.

“I’m hoping we have a chance to waterboard against folks from the Middle East,” Bush said. “Sometimes they just don’t have that much water out there, so it’s really exciting to see how they react, especially when they see how intensely we waterboard in the United States.”

Bush’s public relations reps quickly stepped in and dismissed the President’s statement as a misunderstanding before whisking the President away. When he returned five minutes later, he informed the press corps that he was actually most excited to see the synchronized swimming, and of course basketball.