Anthony on China: Everyone is talking “crazy talk”

BEIJING, CHINA — Carmelo Anthony called his family Tuesday and reported that “everyone in China be talkin’ crazy talk,” SSNN has learned.

“Everyone here speaks gobbledeegoop and bananamannah,” Anthony reportedly said. “Nobody here makes any sense. I seriously can’t understand anything.”

The Nuggets’ star told SSNN that a lot of the locals seem to recognize him, and they want to talk to him and have their pictures taken with him, but he doesn’t understand what they are saying.

“I keep going, ‘Speak in English! Speak in English!’” Anthony said. “But they don’t seem to get it. They just keep speaking their crazy speak and nobody can understand what they want. They’re standing in front of me, waving their cameras, yelling at me, and I’m just confused, and scared.”

Anthony said he can’t wait to get back to the United States, where everyone speaks “normaltalk.”

“It’s like trying to communicate with an infant, you know? A bunch of tiny little crazy babies who can’t quite speak yet, but really have a lot to say. Freaky stuff, man.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!