2012 Olympics to include sports other than swimming, gymnastics

LONDON, ENGLAND — Tense and nervous officials from the London Olympic committee announced today in a special meeting that the 2012 Olympic games will include all manner of athletic competition, not just the gymnastics and swimming that are being featured in the 2008 Games.

“We have decided that we will do something daring,” said Gerald Wilkerson, a spokesman for the 2012 Games. “Instead of simply focusing on swimming and gymnastics for the entire Olympics, we will be adding in other contests of athletic skill, such as wrestling, table tennis, and weightlifting. All told we hope to provide the world with a view of many sports that they may not have seen for years, or even remembered the existence of.”

The challenge will be extremely tough, Wilkerson said, given that – as far as he can surmise – all other sports have been eliminated from the 2008 Games.

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“We’ve got a lot of obstacles,” he said. “I am just watching the TV here, and I’m realizing that I’m going to have to pretty much phone every single major athlete in the world and let them know that their sports have been added to the Olympics for 2012. I’m sure there are some great athletes out there who just didn’t realize that there was still interest for their sport – so we’ll have to get in touch with them and make sure they are included.”

Representatives from NBC, which is scheduled to carry the 2012 Games, could not be reached for comment, as their cell phones don’t work inside the Water Cube.

According to Wilkerson, though, everything should turn out okay as long as elite athletes in other sports haven’t been forced to seek other employment due to the cancellation of their Olympic activities.

“It’s still the Olympics, you know? So I feel like even if athletes are a little perturbed at the fact that they had to wait eight years between competing in Olympics, they’ll probably still want in for 2012,” Wilkerson said. “But if, say, the Greco-Roman wrestler who could have won gold if he were allowed to compete in Beijing has to get a job as an insurance adjuster instead, well…

“I mean it’s not always that easy to just take 20 days off in the middle of summer, is it? I just hope none of these elite athletes have been forced to actually work for a living with their sports cut from the Olympics.”