1992 Dream Teamer to join 2008 Olympic basketball team

BEIJING, CHINA — With the Olympics already underway, the United States basketball team has made a surprise announcement – they are going to be joined by a member of the 1992 “Dream Team,” widely considered to be the greatest assemblage of NBA talent in history.

“God, I can’t wait to hear who it’s going to be,” said current Team USA star LeBron James. “I hope it’s Michael Jordan, though Magic [Johnson] would be cool too. I mean, I realize that it’s largely going to be ceremonial, so I think either one of them would be great.”

“For me – and this is just me – but for me, I hope it’s Larry Bird,” Carmelo Anthony told SSNN. “That dude can straight ball, and there’s really a lot that we can learn from him.”

“It’s got to be Charles Barkley,” said Dwyane Wade. “I mean, how can it not be Sir Charles?”

But it turns out that all the players were wrong.

“I’m very pleased to announce that the Dream Teamer that will be joining us in Beijing is… Christian Laettner!” USA basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski announced in a news conference Sunday, presumably scheduled to avoid media scrutiny. “And he’s not going to just be a ceremonial player, either – he’s going to start for us. He’s the type of guy that we need on this team. He’s the missing link.”

Some of the other players are not so sure about Coach K’s declaration.

“Wait a second, the player is Christian Laettner?” asked an incredulous Devean George. “And he’s going to get playing time? Are you sure about that? I’m not sure he even got to play on the 1992 team, when he was young and presumably decent. But they’re going to let him play now? This is insane.”

Still, in spite of the criticism, Krzyzewski is confident that he’s making the right decision with the team.

“What if we need a guy to shoot a turnaround foul line jumper over double teams in under two seconds?” Krzyzewski asked. “We need a guy that we can call on in that situation. I only know one player that can make that shot, and that man is Christian Laettner. Why, who do you suggest we go to? Kobe Bryant?”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!