Twins prepare Liriano defenses

Only a few days after the Minnesota Twins were seemingly discovered to be conspiring to limit Francisco Liriano’s service time, SSNN got a hold of an internal memo that outlined the ten potential defenses that the Twins could use when they are taken to task by the players’ union in the coming weeks. Here it is…

FROM: GM Bill Smith
TO: All staff
SUBJECT: Liriano excuses

Hello team:

It has come to my attention that Operation Oppression – you know what I’m referring to – may soon be called into question by the Players’ Union. So that we have our story straight, we need to choose an excuse. I’ve put together the following ideas, all of which are designed with the idea that believability is important, but that it must be likely as well. Please choose your top three options and submit the votes to me by 2 pm on Friday. And make sure to watch SportsCenter this weekend – we should probably be on there!

Here’s the list:

1. Johan Santana got rocked the other night. We don’t need another Santana, not on our team.
2. Joe Mauer doesn’t like to be around people from Latin America.
3. Do you really think Francisco Liriano is that good? Have you heard of Livan Hernandez? His ERA is under 5!
4. Have you actually been to Minnesota to see if he was playing for our team? No? Thought not.
5. We actually tried to call him up several times, but due to his minor league contract and general lack of money, his cell phone has been disconnected.
6. We’re actually hoping to have Brett Favre pitch for us, and don’t want to make any decisions until we know for sure what’s happening with him.
7. We totally forgot he was in our system – you know, out of sight, out of mind.
8. Actually, we’ve heard that some of the best teams in the majors have some of the best farm systems, so we’re trying to build a great farm system.
9. Saving him for the 2014 playoffs.
10. He never asked to come back, so we totally assumed he just didn’t want to.

Let me know which ones you like!

Thanks,
Bill