PETA protests Favre’s return

GREEN BAY, WI — A protest by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals went horribly awry on Monday, leaving many longtime supporters confused and thousands of Brett Favre fans furious.

Soon after the group gathered outside of Lambeau Field, it quickly became apparent that no one was exactly sure what they were protesting. Leaders of PETA quickly threw together a cause, and began preaching about the evils of Brett Favre’s return to the NFL.

“Mr. Favre’s continued retiring and un-retiring is an affront to the rights of animals all across the world,” a PETA spokesperson said. “In addition to that, it’s really fucking annoying. I’d love to go through a week without hearing about that guy.”

Predictably, hoards of Favre supporters showed up to defend the future Hall-of-Famer.

“I’m sure the natural healing power that Brett exudes saves far more animals each year than his repeated retiring and un-retiring costs,” said one Favre supporter.

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“I find it hard to accept that Favre has done wrong at any time in his life,” cracked another. “If Brett is against animal rights, then I have to believe animal rights are wrong.”

Favre fans also handed out pictures of current Green Bay starting quarterback Aaron Rodgers – Favre’s replacement – on a hunting trip. Despite repeated attempts to protect Favre and shift the focus to Rodgers, PETA stood by their initial protest.

“The amount of energy expended by ESPN alone on their round-the-clock Favre coverage is staggering,” a PETA spokesperson said. “Do you know how many animals have to die just to fuel Chris Mortensen? Like 20 a day.

“We also have evidence that the depression caused by constant Favre coverage has resulted in American’s eating much, much more… almost all of it in meat products. We have to stop this – if not for the protection of animals, then for the protection of our sanity.”

PETA also announced they will be protesting at Tuesday’s MLB All-Star Game for a yet-to-be determined cause. Possible protests include the union of Madonna and A-Rod and the effect it has on giraffes in Africa, as well as recently converted vegetarian Prince Fielder’s omission from the All-Star festivities.