Federer tears ACL

ALL ENGLAND LAWN TENNIS AND CROQUET CLUB — Reports from Wimbledon indicate that Roger Federer has torn his ACL prior to the finale of the annual lawn tennis tournament.

Apparently, Federer intentionally blew out his ACL following his domination of Marat Safin, in an ersatz resemblance of the injury through which Federer’s good buddy Tiger Woods played to win the United States Open in golf.

“I saw how awesome Tiger was when he tore his ACL, and so I thought I’d do the same thing,” Federer said. “Nadal is going to be a tough opponent and I need my best, and if that included tearing my ACL, then so be it.”

Federer stated that the ACL injury is absolutely excruciating, and he expects it to keep him out for a full year after his Wimbledon victory over Rafael Nadal, which will be Federer’s seventh Wimbledon championship and move him within one major of Pete Sampras’s record. Nadal recently beat Federer for the fourth year in a row in the French Open finals at Roland Garros, and with this being Federer’s toughest season in a long time, he felt like he needed some help.

“It’s a lot harder to tear your own ACL than you think,” Federer said. “I did shuttle runs on wet grass in tennis shoes for like three hours, but that didn’t work. So then I had to have a pro football player dive at my knees for about another hour and a half. Finally, I heard that ‘pop’ that you are always hearing about. It was like music to my ears.”

Woods said he was aware of and in total support of Federer’s plan.

“Yes, Roger called me about it, and we talked it over,” Woods said. “I’ve actually flown to England and I’m working with him on how to make grimaces and weird faces, you know, so that everyone in the crowd knows exactly how much it hurts to tear your ACL.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!