“Devastated” Jair Jurrjens reacts to trade by ruthless fantasy owner

ATLANTA, GA–A “heartbroken and disgusted” Jair Jurrjens arrived at the ballpark Wednesday after disovering late Tuesday night that he’d been traded away by rapacious fantasy baseball owner John Tain.

Tain, the owner and director of personnel for Tain’s Stains, is known for his ruthless approach to fantasy baseball, often treating the athletes on his team like lifeless piles of statistics, meant to be traded and waived with little regard to emotion or feeling.

“I was stupid,” Jurrjens said. “You keep telling yourself that fantasy baseball is a business, that Tain is going to do what he has to in order to win, that he doesn’t care about you any more than what he can
get for you in a trade. But it’s hard, because one day you wake up and you realize that you really love being a part of this team. Or, loved, I guess I should say.”

Jurrjens, who was on contract with the Stains through 2010, was traded for B.J. Upton and Jon Rauch.

“Steals and saves, steals and saves. That’s what they always seem to want,” Jurrjens said. “Well, I just sort of felt like the combo of my great numbers now and my future potential might overcome that. I am so naïve.”

Tain bristled when SSNN asked if he felt like he had been overly aggressive in dealing with Jurrjens.

“Why is this my fault?” he asked. “Why don’t you go and blame Bobby Cox? If he’d have gotten Jurrjens in there for about 15 steals, we wouldn’t be in this situation to begin with.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!