Cole Hamels would have pitched the 16^th for NL

NEW YORK, NY — A panicked Clint Hurdle, realizing that he had only Brandon Webb and Brad Lidge left for the rest of the game, allegedly launched a secret plan to have Philadelphia Phillies ace Cole Hamels pitch the 16^th inning of the All-Star Game, had the game gotten to that point.

“During the 13^th inning, I realized I only had two more innings worth of pitchers,” Hurdle said. “I knew I was in a lot of trouble. Plus, with Timmy Lincecum having his stomach pumped from alcohol poisoning, I figured I was going to need help. So I went into the clubhouse and phoned Cole Hamels.”

Hamels, who was vacationing with his wife – former Survivorette Heidi Strobel – in the Bahamas, agreed to come to the game immediately if his services were needed. However, given that there were no planes out of the Bahamas, Hamels was forced to swim across the Atlantic Ocean to Miami, before beginning to run to New York City.

“Yeah, so Clint called me and he told me to get my ass to New York. I was listening to the game on my headphones while I was swimming,” Hamels said. “I got to Miami by about the 14^th inning, and I just took off running. I was in southern New Jersey by the time the game ended. I probably would have made it to the Stadium right around the time I was supposed to pitch. I was really tired, though, from all that running – at most I could have gone 12 or 13 additional innings. But that’s a high end estimate.”

Hurdle said once he knew Hamels was on the way, he was able to relax and enjoy the game.

“I just hoped that we could get to the point where we could get Hamels in there,” Hurdle said. “He should have been here from the start, but I wanted to make it competitive, it being the last game in Yankee Stadium and all. I mean, I didn’t want it to be a shutout or a no-hitter. I wanted it to be close. I just wish I would’ve called for Cole in the 11^th instead of in the 13^th. It could have had a big impact on the game.”

According to Hamels, missing out on a chance to shine in the All-Star Game was a bummer, but the night wasn’t a total loss.

“Since they told me I didn’t need to be in New York ’til the 16^th inning, I actually stopped in West Virginia and threw two no-hitters in an independent minor league doubleheader,” Hamels said. “So that was fun. They put my picture in the paper and everything.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!