Apparently there is some big bike race going on in Europe right now

SOMEWHERE IN EUROPE — In late-breaking news, SSNN has learned that apparently there is an enormous bicycle race going on in Europe right now, and that there are a handful of people who actually really care about what happens.

“Yes, I can confirm that the Tour de France is indeed taking place right now, as it does every summer,” said bicycle historian Dr. Jonas Salzberger, a professor at the University of Austria. “This year’s competition has been every bit as riveting as every year before.”

Extensive research by SSNN through American sporting websites and American history books dug up very little information on this so-called Tour de France, and dedicated viewing of sports television over the weekend brought no confirmation, either. Nevertheless, SSNN has decided to run this story; but with a qualifier – it may be totally inaccurate.

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“We decided to run the story anyway,” said SSNN editor Kolsky. “We would obviously prefer to have two sources to corroborate any event we are going to report, but when we have the chance to break an international story of intrigue and excitement, we’ll occasionally go with just one source. I just hope this Salzberger guy isn’t having fun with us, like the so-called Dr. Pierre L’Ecoliet when he said that O.J. Mayo was going to transfer to the Sorbonne.”

An angry Salzberger recoiled at the allegations that his behavior would be in any way untoward.

“This is the Tour de France, one of the great sporting events in the history of the world,” he shouted. “Three weeks of arduous racing, mountain climbing, crashes and pageantry. Yellow jerseys! Any of this ringing a bell?”

Kolsky was unfazed by the vocal attack.

“Listen, I sort of get what he’s saying,” Kolsky said of Salzberger’s comments. “But I have one question for you. If a bike race happens in France, and nobody’s around to see it… does it make a sound?”