Wagner ironically unable to blow out candle in cupcake

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Billy Wagner has struggled mightily in recent days, failing to secure three consecutive save chances, and now troubles on the home front have been added to the pile after he was unable to blow out the candle on a Father’s Day cupcake made by his 5-year-old daughter.

The Wagners were celebrating Father’s Day early – Thursday after the Mets’ afternoon game – because their oldest son, 10-year-old Will, leaves for a week at overnight camp on Saturday morning and the family of six wanted to take advantage of Billy’s rare free night.

“We had a nice dinner planned and everything,” said Sarah Wagner, Billy’s wife. “But little Olivia [Wagner's daughter] had made cupcakes, and she really wanted him to have one before we left for dinner. Putting a candle in it seemed so innocent.”

But Wagner strangely could not muster the wind to extinguish the flame, which “really upset Olivia,” according to Sarah Wagner. The couple’s third child apparently thought her father’s failure to blow out the candle was a reflection of his lukewarm feelings for her.

In addition to disappointing his child and embarrassing himself in front of his family, Wagner is almost certain to face a good ribbing when his teammates see him for tomorrow’s game.

“Wait, you mean just a little birthday-cake candle? Just one of them?” said an incredulous David Wright when SSNN recounted Wagner’s failed blows. “Jesus, it’s about the only thing he can’t blow, I can tell you that. The guy’s been blowing saves like Alyssa Milano blows Dodgers – and I’ve seen him blow a fat wad of cash at a strip club, too.”

Wagner apparently does not appreciate the irony of the situation, as he was unwilling to speak on the record about the situation, and was rather rude off the record. SSNN was able to speak with his son Will, however, who shed some light on the situation.

“I switched some fake candles into the box where my mom keeps the candles – you know, the kind you can’t ever blow out, that just keep re-lighting themselves,” young Will Wagner happily admitted. “I was doing it to get my brother Jeremy at his next birthday, but I think it was even funnier with Dad. Although it was a little weird when he started crying.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!