Twins defect to NL, lead West division by four games

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — In what has been called a daring midnight escape, the entire Minnesota Twins organization defected from the gray, dreary American League Central to the sunny climes of the National League West.

The upstart young Twins now hold a four-game lead over the Arizona Diamondbacks in their new division, and are viewed by many baseball experts as instant playoff contenders in the Senior Circuit.

Twins manager Ron Gardenhire was glowing this morning as he discussed the move. “With our recent record against NL teams – including our current ten-game win streak – we felt that this was the best time to change leagues. Besides, where would you rather go on a road swing: Detroit, Cleveland and Kansas City; or San Diego, L.A. and San Francisco?”

According to Gardenhire and other members of the organization, Twins catcher Joe Mauer was the player who orchestrated the bold plot and ultimately led the escape.

“We knew our best shot for a World Series was to defect,” Mauer told SSNN. “Sure, in the AL we were contending for the Wild Card and only a half-game back of the White Sox. But now we have a nice lead, we don’t face nearly as many strong pitchers, and we have a helluva good chance at a pennant.”

Still, even with all those positives, not everyone on the team welcomed the change.

“Our pitchers weren’t especially happy to hear that they now have to hit,” said Twins pitching coach Rick Anderson. “Most of them haven’t held a bat since Little League, and after what happened to [Yankees pitcher] Chien-Ming Wang in Houston, they sure weren’t too keen on running the bases, either. But when Joe told them about road trips to L.A. and how they can probably hook up with Alyssa Milano, they changed their tune.”

Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, however, has not been on board for any of the Twins’ recent shenanigans. Reached for comment, he expressed dismay at the move.

“This defection threatens the very competitive balance of the game. Now we have seventeen teams in the National League and thirteen in the American,” Selig whined. “And only twelve competitive teams, since Seattle is done for the year. I promise to attack this threat to our great game with the same intensity that my office has attacked baseball’s rumored ’steroids’ problem.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!