Tiger “heartbroken” over missing Ryder Cup

JUPITER ISLAND, FL — While his season-ending knee surgery will cost him a shot at two major championships, the FedEx Cup and millions of dollars in earnings, golfing god Tiger Woods is more upset over missing the Ryder Cup competition being held in September.

Woods, who has a record of 10-13-2 in Ryder Cup matches in his career, expressed his deep regret in an exclusive interview with SSNN.

“Yeah, I’m heartbroken,” Woods said. “I’m forced to miss this very meaningful competition. I know it seems like I don’t care about it, like it does nothing for my career or reputation, and that it’s stocked with guys I don’t really like on both teams, but the Ryder Cup is so critical to our country and the way we feel about ourselves as Americans.

“People think I care more about that fake-playoff thing, just because I make money. What do they call that? The UPS trophy? Whatever – the point is, missing the Ryder Cup is going to be hard for me to get over.”

But of all the pain associated with having to skip the competition, Woods said he will miss playing with good friend Phil Mickelson most of all. “That’s definitely the hardest part. I’ll really miss playing with old ‘Man Boobs.’ I had quite a few new jokes lined up for this year, too.”

Woods plans on being back in competitive golf in January, and looks forward to the next Ryder Cup in 2010. “Oh, I’m sure I’ll be there. I don’t really have a choice. Unless I have to have another major surgery – like maybe a root canal; or if I put a shotgun to my foot. I mean, I want to be there, but there’s just no telling in this crazy world.”

It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!